Eating with Others

When you are eating a meal in company, do not be in a hurry. Don’t rush to sit down at the table. Wait for others to sit down before you. Someone will tell you where to sit or will pull out a chair for you. When you choose your own seat without help or direction, you appear eager, selfish, and impulsive. Someone is always likely to feel offended that you didn’t sit down next to them. Just wait patiently. Provide an opportunity for others to offer you their assistance. If someone helps you with your chair, that is preferable. It establishes a small human association that is not soon forgotten.

Once everyone is seated, talk to the person next to you. Don’t talk to the person seated across from you. You can do that later. It doesn’t matter if you speak first to the person on your right or to the person on your left. Speak to them both. Make some little remark that puts them at their ease and doesn’t lead into a big subject. If one of them makes you uncomfortable and you don’t know what to say, just smile. Make pleasant contact with your neighbors. You never know who might take an interest in you. It could be someone you would not have expected, or someone who at first does not appeal to you. You never know.

Don’t eat before the others. Start eating only after everyone else at the table has begun. Start with salad. Eat slowly. Don’t pay too much attention to the food, as if you were hungry. The food is secondary. Remember that. Focus your attention entirely on the people at the table and on what they are saying. Don’t talk about the food. If the person who prepared the meal is at the table, wait until the end of the meal to tell them how much you enjoyed it. Don’t eat too much. Don’t eat too fast. Eat slowly. The food is secondary. Focus on the people.

Don’t talk about politics. Everyone has some preference. The very last thing you should do is take sides in a heated debate. You must not appear to hold strong opinions on the issues of the day. If you have feelings, keep them to yourself. Listen and show that you are interested. If someone asks your opinion, say that the topic seems complex, and that will be satisfactory. All topics are complex. Nothing is certain. Anything might happen. (You could end up with nothing.)

Don’t make noises with your mouth. Chew discretely, as if you were not eating at all. This takes practice, but it is very important. Everyone likes to eat, but they don’t like to be made aware that others are also eating. Nobody wants to spend the rest of their lives sitting across from someone who eats loudly. Eat as if you are not eating. Practice in front of the mirror. You will see that you can do it.

Don’t accept seconds. It gives the impression that you have an appetite, which is worrisome, and makes you appear self indulgent. Self indulgent people are interested only in themselves, and tend to become fat. There must never be a hint of getting fat. Try not to eat dessert. Ask for coffee instead. If you cannot avoid dessert, make it known that you would prefer a small portion. Very small.