Screwgun

Women use skin creams and something called "body wash."  Guys use screwguns.

Women are emotionally mature.  Men excel at fixing things with their screwguns and expect to be rewarded like puppies after retrieving tennis balls.

Women...    ahhh, screw it..

Women understand that the condition of being human is a state of existence that requires stuff like affection and sympathetic support in times of distress.  They know that the entire universe is completely insane and all we have is ourselves.  Men don't realize their own insanity and screw everything up with their screwguns.

Women are capable of rapid and refined adjustment to the mercurial circumstances in their relations with men.  They can utter imperatives like "Be hopeless" and make it sound almost reasonable, as if hopelessness were something to strive for with earnestness and devotion since we are screwed and there is absolutely no hope and nothing we can do about it.  What they really mean, of course, is "Screw yourself with your screwgun, dumbass," and they're probably right, but all the screwgun-wielding guys can do is concentrate on using their screwguns and screw the rest of it.  Screw the borrough of Brooklyn and the Verrazano Bridge, screw the entire state of New Jersifornia and the whole fucking universe.

Screw it.